i carry your heart with me - ee cummings

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Hup Holland Hup

"Hup Holland hup
Laat de leeuw niet in z'n hempie staan
Hup Holland hup
Trek het beessie geen pantoffels aan
Hup Holland hup
Laat je uit 't veld niet slaan
Want de leeuw op voetbalschoenen
Durft de hele wereld aan"


Today Holland plays Brazil in the World Cup, and even from all the way in Canada I can feel the pandemonium via facebook. As I close my eyes I can picture a country painted with orange (or "oranje" as the Dutch say"). Even as an expat I feel the national pride of the great country I live in. The Netherlands have a great deal of national pride right now, even more so than on Queen's Day (they celebrate their Queen's birthday every year), and going into Den Haag then I had never seen so much orange, until the world cup.

To all that I say "Hup Holland Hup" I wish I had brought my orange "Holland" shirt to le Canada.

Free Time and the Internet

I've recently been introduced to some videos of a man who goes by the name Neg. He hails from the UK and is now quite famous. He's quite the character and his one ... er ... goal is to be as obnoxious as possible. Each "mission" has instructions that he follows and he always strives to do the best he can. I've been quite entertained by all of his videos, they always leave me laughing, the general public has the most interesting ways of reacting to this man. Here's a little sample of what he does.

Summer, Summer, Summer

In exactly 14 days I will be on a plane to my beloved Canada ! It's all very exciting for me. What is even more exciting is that my friends have decided to enter a team in the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life, it's an event that occurs for 12 hours, and a team of 8 to 10 members raises money, then, on the day of the event the teams must walk/run/jog/skip around a track, each team must have 1 member on the track at all times. It's SUCH an amazing event and it is SO much fun.
If you're interested in participating you can look on the Canadian Cancer Society's website or (if you're from the states) the American Cancer Society's website to find an event in your region.
My relay is being held in 23 days. I have never been so excited in my life.

This summer will be my first summer back in Canada after moving away, it's going to be a lot of fun, I'm even meeting up with my mother in British Columbia to go for a hike and a night in a cabin.

In Edmonton I will be seeing the wonderful Laurie in her new house ! I can't wait to see her and her family. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a possible Extreme Badminton Tournament ! I will try to keep up with picture posting etc. Have an amazing beginning of summer everyone !

Another story

I'm sorry that I've been posting my school work, I'm just trying to get into a habit of posting. This was an assignment where we had to portray a season as a person.

He was sitting there, marveling in the way she sat, almost frozen in her beauty. Her hair was the lightest shade of blonde, almost white, that blended into her pearl white skin. She brushed a lock of hair from her eye and she looked up at him, her icy blue eyes almost froze him where he sat. She got up and swiftly walked out of the room, as she whisked passed him he smelled her aroma, like winter green and pine, it felt like the winter breeze in the morning. He had loved her for a long time, he had watched the way her parents divorce had changed her from a warm and happy person to this icicle of a girl that stood today; he felt as though she had given up on love and men because it was a lost cause, because everybody ends up alone.
He followed her quickly outside into the summer’s heat, she was sitting on a bench now, reading Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, one tear slowly trickled down her cheek. He approached her, he was finally going to tell her how he feels, how he has always felt, that he loved her. She looked up at him and it was almost as he heard her heart shatter as he spoke his words. She stood up without warning and pushed him, the place where her hand touched felt frost bitten, and as he fell to the ground he looked at her, she was standing there watching him, he felt as though everything was happening in slow motion. As he hit the ground the soft grass cradled him, he felt as though he was unable to move, mostly from the shock from what had just happened. She lowered herself to her knees and laid down beside and traced her arctic fingers along his jawbone. She brought her face closer to his, he could feel her polar breath on his lips, as she kissed him he could feel his lips shivering, then he could feel nothing, his whole body was numb. The numbness was percolating through his body, finally, he could feel nothing, he was frozen, his heart had stopped and he was laying there unable to move. She stood up and looked down upon him, then she spoke, her words fell down upon him like snowflakes “For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack”, he had never heard a DH Lawrence quote spoken with such passion and elegance.

My Lunch Observation

Our assignment: to go sit in a cafe and observe someone who is a patron then write a short story using what you observed.
I observed a woman sitting in a corner, she was glaring at each bite of her pastry and hiding her face from the rest of the restaurant. My short story was recieved well by my instructor so I thought I would do the lazy thing and use it for a blog post as well instead of doing a real blog post

Sitting here at my my table, eating lunch alone again. Why did I choose to eat this pastry ? I’m definitely going to regret this, my diet is not going well. I feel like everyone is staring at me, they’re probably thinking “she does not need another pastry”. My iced tea has much too much sugar in it, I probably shouldn’t drink it. Why are they staring at me? Looking around nobody is actually looking at me, but I can’t help but regret this bright green shirt I chose to wear. The newspaper is just as depressing as my waistline, issues seem to just keep growing. Why is she looking at me? There’s this girl in the corner, it seems like she keeps looking at me, she takes a bite of her sandwich and now she’s writing something down! Is she writing about me? Probably not, I’m a very uninteresting specimen, nobody would be interested in studying me. Why am I eating this pastry? My mother’s words keep echoing through my head “a moment on your lips, a lifetime on your hips”, no wonder I feel so ashamed. Everyone is staring at me, why am I hiding my face? Why am I so paranoid? Do I have anything planned this week? Of course I don’t, my day planner is as barren as my pantry after a night of midnight snacking. She is writing about me! Fine, well then this is a perfect time to start writing my book, it will be entitled “My Lunch Under Observation”, we’ll see how she feels about someone taking notes on her. The small girl takes a bite of her sandwich, she takes a note on a piece of paper, now she’s eating part of her friend’s muffin, she takes a drink, she looks at me, she takes a drink. This is such a boring book, nobody will read it. Good, she’s leaving, now I can enjoy my pastry.

Suprise Test

Note to self: remember that day planner that you write EVERYTHING in ? The thing you never leave home without ?
READ IT
Then when you sit down in Dutch class the mid-term won't be such a shocker.

Back to what's new, my friends have decided to re-name me "Grote Moeder Theresa"
Imagine trying to explain to your teacher in Dutch how you don't follow Mother Theresa and you do not behave like her ... spreken in het Nederlands.
I simply said:

Ik ben niet Moeder Theresa
Ik ben niets als haar
Het is een grap

And she looked at me with a very confused look then went on to ask everyone about there most recent bar experience ... oh the joys of living in the Netherlands.

Good Morning World

It's one of those days where I don't really want to do much ... so here's a video

Can you believe that girl used to be a Christian Music singer ?

Ouch

Dear Evil Dentist;

Although you may have been Jack the Ripper in a former life, this does not excuse the fact that you inflict SO MUCH PAIN.

I would first like to address the fact that my teeth are in fact attached in my mouth, however, after my visit with you it feels like dentures are on the horizon for me. Your little pick tool is not a stabbing device or a way to slowly tear my gums out of my mouth. I would also like to tell you that the giant sore at the side of my mouth is not a good place to hang your mouth vacuum from.

For future reference I can pour mouthwash into my own mouth and my face is not a canvas for your toothpaste painting. I put make up on not to give you a clean base but to make myself look more attractive while I deal with my monthly breakout.

Finally, you are an evil man and my chest is not a resting place for your elbow or cleaning tools so please, I'm already feeling claustrophobic enough, get a damn tray.

Thank-you
The Girl Who's Mouth You Cleaned Today

Psychology Final ?

My final project has been assigned for Child Psychology. In a group with three other people we have to find a child under the age of 3 and "interview" it. My first thought ? Give me 9 months to find a child ...
I understand the whole case study scenario and applying it to real life but how on earth are we going to write a compelling 10 page paper on a child who's main form of communication is a high pitched squeak ?
This poor child gets to be poked and prodded by a group of University students who are assessing if it's at it's proper stage of development. It's going to be a long day for the kid.
Oh, did I mention we have to do it over skype because we can't find a child ?
Wish me luck !

here's a tip

A couple tips for readers:
-Remind yourself daily of your New Year's Resolution
-Fall in love as often as possible
-Smile, regardless of what's going on, it will instantly boost your mood
-Always help if you have the opportunity to, you don't know when you're going to need the help in return
-Always do your homework
-And Dutch teachers may ask you if you're sleeping with your classmates

That's right folks, today my cute little Dutch instructor was asking us what we do on our free time, two students said sleep and she asked them if the slept together! Surprised ? I was haha.
Loving Dutch class, het is erg leuk!

neon glow

Note to self: if you want an early burial for any party, put student council's name on it.
Friday night was Webster's neon party at the local bar. Yes, this was my idea; what could be more fun then watching a bunch of drunk university students dancing around in neon clothes ?
To the president of student council this meant attendance of 75+, what a silly little boy. The fact that he was charging €5 to everyone who came and the idea of him being at a party made sure that less than 20 students turned out.
What was even more disappointing was the lack of effort by everyone, although it was fun to make up 50% of the people wearing neon, I was slightly upset that nobody even tried.
I wore my neon with pride and by the end of the night I was covered in UV sensitive bubbles. Resulting in this:

maybe next time I'll leave the "student council" tag line out of the equation.

Happy New Year

Here is yet another attempt to successfully keep up with this blog.

I would first like to wish you a Happy (Insert Winter Holiday of Choice) and a Happy New Year.

I would like to quickly recap the last month and a half with various pictures and short captions.



My 19th Birthday Present from my wonderful mother depicting Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.







The entrance to the Sex Museum in Amsterdam. Sarah and I went in for only 3€, we got our money's worth. This museum included a flasher, chastity belts, various pictures throughout time illustrating assorted sex throughout the ages and a rather unfortunate looking Marilyn Monroe wax doll ... nothing like the Madame Tussuad version.







The lights in Amsterdam, we were told it's a must-see around the holiday season. They were amazing.








My plan to be more organized in the new year. Note to self: Write in blog time. Whilst jotting down my class times I found that my Thursday class runs until 10 at night ... not excited for that.






Now I can dress like a REAL European ... these UGG boots are a gift from my mom and Werner ... the think they're the ugliest things ever but I've never been happier with a pair of boots.





and finally our tree, Jaspar ... he's shorter then me AND it's still alive ... It's kind of a sad looking thing but it's got character.






I apologize again for going MIA. As I click "Publish Post" I will remind myself to pencil in blog time.

I hope everybody's holidays went well.

my favourite speech for some weekend wisdom

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience, I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty
of your youth; oh never mind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked.
You're not as fat as you
imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as
trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people hearts, don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours .
Floss;
Don't waste your time on jealousy
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, its only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away
your old bank statements.
S t r e t c h .
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss
them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children,maybe
you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your
75th wedding anniversary what ever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either . your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, its the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance;
even if you have n o w h e r e to do it but in your own living room. Read
the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read
beauty magazines,
they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know
your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come
and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect
anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
its worth. But trust me on the sunscreen."

Holland Thus Far

So far I've been really busy with school and whatnot to be posting (sorry) so I'm going to catch you up now. School is really hectic even though I only went for 3 days a week this term. Every week we have to write a full essay, read 3 chapters and whatever random assignment my other teacher (whom I call "Sergeant") decides to assign. It makes things more hectic when you leave things a little longer than maybe I should ...

Photos of my canal-side school are coming soon, I'm on my week off.

My mother recently went for Russia leaving me with my, now 15 years old and apparently an adult by his standards, brother. Wow was that fun ... it's not that I don't love him, I tell him I do whenever I leave, even if we're fighting, but he can be a handful ... especially when grocery shopping for. I never thought it was possible for a fridge to be "empty" when it's full of food. I learned quickly that the fridge was empty if there wasn't something he could be eating in a maximum of 2 minutes. I filled the fridge with many quick made meals.

On my mother's return I cleaned the house and allowed her to come home to things like this :

I know my mom will always be happy when she comes home from Russia to a clean house and flowers ... all the rest is secondary. Also here's a picture just for Laurie, it's out of our front window on a Sunday morning:

This place is amazing and I'm so happy that I have my family here to share it with. England on Thursday.

Weekend Wisdom- Sunshine, Peace, Love

I wish you sunshine on your path

and storms to season your journey.

I wish you peace in the world

in which you live ...

More I cannot wish you
except perhaps love
to make all the rest worthwhile.

-Robert A. Ward

Back on track

It has been a while since my last post, sorry.

In the last 2 weeks I've learned a lot:

I have the most unattractive bunch of relatives I've seen and not all of them are opposed to incest ... gross.

Doing an across the world move is not as easy as I previously thought.

Time changes suck and are near impossible to get used to.

Buying books online is much easier then looking for English ones in a Dutch country.

and finally, road trips determine how much self control you actually have and how difficult it is sometime to hold your tongue.

I have made it to the Netherlands and I've managed to unpack the first bunch of things I brought over and ordered all my school books. Soon after arriving here I realized one thing; I adore mom's new boyfriend ... he's so cool.

My grandmother decided to come for a visit from Edmonton ... the same day we arrived ... for a month. She is a really sweet woman and very generous but there's a certain issue with volume control that is hard to ignore when one is in a car with her for 3 days ... nonetheless I reminded myself that she means well and we all love her just the same. She's also a huge fan of minatures ... *shudder* ... which brought us to this place:

No, giant people are not taking over the Netherlands ... this is part of an entire miniature exhibit of the Netherlands ... fun right ? Well to some maybe ... me not so much.

We also went on a 3 day road trip, we went from our little home in the Netherlands through to Brussels, Belgium then on to France where we stopped in Nancy and Metz ... among other placed then to Germany where we spent the night in Dusseldorf . On this road trip we stopped for McDonald's in Belgium, Mexican food in France and Italian food in Germany ... oh how we adapt. We did do and see a lot though, here's some of the things we saw :

All in all it was a good trip ... except for a specific shoppe in Luxembourgh.

We were walking along and I saw a gorgeous jacket in a window display, decided to go in ... that was the biggest mistake in life ... she gave me a medium to try on and it was WAY too small ... well there's the first ego hit. When I asked her for a bigger size she told me that was the biggest size they carried ... OUCH. Needless to say the rest of my family got quite a kick out of this ... jerks.

Airports, Personal Space and Claustrophobia

I’m typing this from above the beautiful province of Alberta. It’s easy to remember why I dislike airports so much every time I enter one. The loud children running wild, the older ladies who over-dress for a flight in 6-inch heels and huge, dark sunglasses, or the crazy man who sits there babbling to himself in a foreign language all by himself. The thing that irks me the most is the people who think they’re superior to everyone around them, the woman who has been assigned to row 12 but chooses to weasel her way to the front of the line after rows 27-38 have been called. It makes one want to say “if you honestly think you’re that important then you should pay the extra money to get into executive class instead of getting in everyone else’s way”. Honestly, it makes zero sense, when you think about it, we’re all taking off on the exact same time. The only difference between sitting in the tightly fitting plane and the open terminal is a feeling of severe claustrophobia.

Besides those minor annoyances I actually quite enjoy the terminal, so long as there’s a Starbucks and enough seats at the gate to relax and breathe prior to being launched into the air in a tin can full of strangers. I don’t really enjoy the random people who decide to joke around with you, talk about their travels, or inquire about “why a young lady like myself is traveling all on her own”, I’m aware that I look like I’m 14, however, I’m not totally incompetent. I’m jut excited to be moving one step closer to my new home, my new life and my new school all in the quaint little country of Holland. Although it’s quite the nerve-wracking experience, moving across the world by yourself at 18, I’m feeling quite nostalgic and adventurous, grown-up even.

west ed

Today we visited the infamous West Edmonton Mall, the largest mall in North America, 5th largest in the world, founded by two brothers from Iran in 1959. You can Google it, I did. We skipped the water park, bungee jumping, hotel, amusement park, underwater adventure and mini golf, however, we did catch part of the Sea Lion show ... really ... what is the point of all this in a mall ? Why do malls need an Ice Rink ? Well I'm absolutely in love with all that I obtained today, just some basic staples necessary for any wardrobe, and a pair of sunglasses.

The highlight of my day was not a new item but a new friend. Waiting in line at the sandwich stand I was contemplating what to choose from an array of panini sandwiches, I decided on the Panini Napolini. This sandwich had sun-dried tomatoes, red peppers, zucchini and cheese. The adorable lady in front of me asks me if it was spicy because it sure sounded good, she then ordered the same sandwich and went to the till to pay, the poor man working there thought we were together and went to punch in our orders together ... I picked up on this and quickly corrected him, she perked up and offered to pay for my sandwich ! I had to decline her offer, my mother taught me well, I could not accept something from someone who I've done nothing for. Instead, she kept me company while we waited for our food, she told me about her many grandchildren, her daughter that lives in Amsterdam and owns a brownie shoppe (tee hee) and her most recent knitting project. Listening to this woman speak gave me a sudden feeling of deja vu, my grandmother is also this sociable and also chooses to tell many stories to random strangers.

All in all it was quite a productive day, thank-you for the gifts mom, and, despite my rigorous work out at the pool last night, it was the shopping that made me sore ... funny how that works isn't it ?

the pool

Laurie and her friend talked me into doing a workout, in the water ... they presented this idea to me as I'm semi-conscious on her love seat cradling my MacBook and attempting not to drool on the keyboard. So I drag myself downstairs and pick out a bathing suit ... unfortunately the one I happened to choose was missing a cup, I found this out after I got to the pool. The instructor was an adorable woman who was the most intense lady I've ever met, she was running, doing high kicks, jumping up and down and, instead of saying "at your own pace" she said "FASTER!" it was kind of nice. I don't think I've physically endured that much pain while working out, I know I'm going to be aching tomorrow, that will be fun for Sarah to deal with while we're shopping.

Laurie was the epitome of a graceful, limber water nymph. She wanted me to let it be known that she only cried once, as opposed to my zillion mental breakdowns from mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.

One thing I noticed while changing was how comfortable some women are with their bodies ... despite my greatest attempts to avert my eyes, I couldn't avoid the inevitable. All I could think of was the time when I was little in the gym bathroom and commented on an exceptionally large woman's "big butt" that was right in front of my face due to my height at 4 years old. It was a fun night though that was topped off with a trip to Shopper's Drug Mart where we almost had to sleepover due to it's 9:00 pm close time ... then we rushed over to DQ for ice cream to numb the joint pain.

All in all it was a productive evening.